Hello.
I know, such a long time for me didn't spend more time to write new posting about life lately. Yeah, it's because, no time for it (seriously, I'm not being lebay or something, but this 7th-semester-college-life is super crazy, too much tears to hold, too much whines to say, and a bullshit love story to tell :p). But, here I am.
It's 1.27 am in the morning, and I just finished reading 2 journals about cardiac diseases, just fyi I took cardiovascular disease for my graduation paper wkwk skripsi I mean. And next week, I should finish chapter 2 (which is... I just did about 2.5% progress, I know it's crazy, but don't worry I will finish it in time) and one more, I should present it to my lecturer. So, wish me luck people! I'll give my best and kick some butts MUHAHA.
So, well enough with silly opening I just wrote.
Here is why I want to write and stay awake in the middle of the night. Yesterday, I got the most shocking news ever in the end of the year, in December. I always love December because new year will come and new chapter of my life will begun and more adventure to explore. But, not for this year I guess. I lost many people, like seriously lots of people that I care the most.
I broke up with a guy few days after Ied Fitr because mom asked me to end it because of well A REASON. A wall between us that can't break.
And now, I lost someone, my one and only, BFFAAF.
And I lost others.
He is such a good friend. Well, not only good but he is great and one of the best. His life just got really fucked up, really messy, and he can't control it until he got depressed.......and needs to go to therapist. I feel so stupid I let him go to therapist. I feel so-much-guilty that I can't be there, help him to go through the hell of life and support him. Where the hell am I???
He didn't contact me for a week. I guess he was dead.
I texted him many times, even it costed me much money because he lives in Europe. I called him. I sent him an e-mail. But still no reply.... until yesterday.
He said, please stop contacting in any possible way, I moved and I am in therapy, therapist told me I need a 100% new start and break with everything/one from my past. Sorry.
At that time, I just woke up from my nap and I cried right away.
I don't know what should I do and I can't accept it if he will no longer exists in my future.
If one of you sees me right now, you will see my swollen eyes I got on my face.
Oh God... I hope next year I will no longer lose any more people. I want to be happy like everyone does. I'm sorry if I'm so busy with stuffs and that's why I can't talk to you longer like we did before. I'm sorry I ignored you (maybe, even I didn't mean to).
I'm broken into pieces now but I don't want you to know it because I want you to be okay to be someone that I knew for 19 months. This 19th of December will be our 19th months being BFFAAFs. But I don't know if we can talk at our special day. I will be home too on 19th.
I hope one day, I will see you on the bridge like our promise. See you.
Your Pandhea xoxo
Stop Being a Drama Queen. Lesson Learned.
Hi.
Today, I got a nice learning. Learning about life.
Learning how to be a girl who enjoys her life. To enjoy what she got. To feel enough with everything around her. To feel fulfill with life. To be a nice and kind girl. To stop being afraid of something. To stop worrying. To stop thinking too much. To stop whining. Stop being a wuss. And to stop being a drama queen.
Someone told me today, about me who is always being a drama queen. He was a nice friend of mine. We knew each other for more than a year. Yeah not a short time to know each other. And also today, I lost him. I lost him (again). And I'm not sure, if we can back being as friends again. Oh not friends. BFAAFs to be exact. I don't know. I'm not sure.
He is gone. He was angry and upset. He even said bad words to me. Words that hurt my soul. Because no one ever said those words to me before. He also threw everything on me. All off my faults. Without warnings. I just sit myself looking at my phone and started crying. Yeah, I always cry. It's what i can do. I don't know what to do at that time. It's my weakness.
I just can't believe it he would say those words. I was wrong I know, but he also crossed the line. Pfft, complicated. Okay.. I don't know what to say anymore. He was a patient guy I knew. He was always kind.... but now, he is gone.
.....
.....
.....
Ah okay. I think I should learn how to let go too.
There is no good bye without a hello at first. We had our hello long time ago. And now, here is our good bye.
Until we say our next hello in the future then, if we got a chance.
It's always nice to know you.
Today, I got a nice learning. Learning about life.
Learning how to be a girl who enjoys her life. To enjoy what she got. To feel enough with everything around her. To feel fulfill with life. To be a nice and kind girl. To stop being afraid of something. To stop worrying. To stop thinking too much. To stop whining. Stop being a wuss. And to stop being a drama queen.
Someone told me today, about me who is always being a drama queen. He was a nice friend of mine. We knew each other for more than a year. Yeah not a short time to know each other. And also today, I lost him. I lost him (again). And I'm not sure, if we can back being as friends again. Oh not friends. BFAAFs to be exact. I don't know. I'm not sure.
He is gone. He was angry and upset. He even said bad words to me. Words that hurt my soul. Because no one ever said those words to me before. He also threw everything on me. All off my faults. Without warnings. I just sit myself looking at my phone and started crying. Yeah, I always cry. It's what i can do. I don't know what to do at that time. It's my weakness.
I just can't believe it he would say those words. I was wrong I know, but he also crossed the line. Pfft, complicated. Okay.. I don't know what to say anymore. He was a patient guy I knew. He was always kind.... but now, he is gone.
.....
.....
.....
Ah okay. I think I should learn how to let go too.
There is no good bye without a hello at first. We had our hello long time ago. And now, here is our good bye.
Until we say our next hello in the future then, if we got a chance.
It's always nice to know you.
YOU
“Hello to you”, that’s what you always said to me to start
our conversation.
You with your magical smile which can makes everything seems
easier to me.
You with your endless support for me. I’m thankful for that.
You with your bunch of works to do but you still have time to always be there
for me. I can see sometimes when you are tired, but yeah, you are here.
You with all of surprises that makes me happy. Oh not only
happy, but I feel lucky, I have you.
You are mean a lot to me. I hope you know that.
The way you care to me, it’s one of the most precious thing
in this world.
I love you.
P.S: I’m sorry my english sucks and I’m not good with
expressing my feelings with writing. But, I hope you are happy to read this
one. It’s special for you. Yes, you.
verjaardags knuffel
Hello readers! I got something that I really want to share to
all of you :D. It’s about one of the happiest moments in my life so far HEHE.
My first time
celebrate my Ramadhan birthday (well, not celebrate like party or anything). As
you know, I got Ramadhany as my middle name. It’s because I was born on 13th
Ramadhan 1413 H based on lunar calendar. Honestly, it’s my first time to know
which date I was born haha~ I never tried to find out which date it was before.. until
one day I got curios and and googled it :D.
It started when I met a Belgian guy, let’s call him HVD,
about 3 months ago (May 19th 2013, to be exact muhaha). At first we’re just
strangers.. but after a lot of things we’ve shared, now we’re being BFFAAF
(Best Friend For Always And Forever), it was his idea. It’s sweet, isn’t it? And one day we talked a lot about Ramadhan, moslem calendar, etc. That's why I found out my Ramadhan 13th.
Hmm, he
is surely a nice person, so open minded, and a good listener. He can be so
funny and annoying in the same time haha, so it’s hard to get angry at him
because at the same time, he makes you laugh aswell hahaha. Oh and for all girls out
there, you should envy with his eyelashes!!! He got the most beautiful natural
eyelashes in the whole world with his blue eyes (lebay) haha!!!! We both called it “fabulashes” xD. And.. he is full of
surprises.
 |
| fabulashes xD |
So... what’s the correlation between my 21st birthday and
him?
Here it is. I am the luckiest person on earth.. why? Because
I have a BFFAFF like him who sent me the cutest birthday card ever :D.
Eventhough, it’s one week late arrived, but
it’s still so precious for me. Here’s the picture:
 |
| I hide my address xD |
 |
| MUHAHAHA!!!!! this is the funniest!!! 1413 H? xD |
 |
| I got a birthday hug from this heroic cat! :D |
 |
| capslock hand writing. HVD's style |
Grateful? Indeed. I thanked God for letting us know each other ^^
Nothing I can say beside thank you, HVD. See you at bridge soon xD
Curahan
Ohaiiii
Kembali menemukan waktu lagi akhirnya untuk ngepost :D Yaudah mari dimulai saja edisi curahan hari ini...
Hmm.. dari UAS dulu kali ya. Btw, gue UAS lebih dari 2 minggu lho, yap 3 minggu! Lama bingit kan? Trus ditambah telat banget gara-gara kampus di pake buat SBMPTN dan banyak ujian praktikum. Jadilah gue baru UAS tgl 24 Juni sampe 8 Juli.. Oh iya kepotong Dies Natalis juga. Parah dah. Senin depan dapet UAS terakhir, Farmakognosi, duh mangat banget buat belajar ini. Isinya bahasa latin, nama spesies tanaman2 gitu. Ampun bapakkk! Udah mana praktikum hancur~ melebihi lagu hancurnya Olga Syahputra.. ya wish me luck lah! Review sekilas deh. Dari yang pertama, Mikro Imuno Parasit, mayan gagal, gara-gara gue ga selese baca materi Enterobacteriaceae dan Fungi ooh ditambah materi praktikum. Surem. Udah mana gabaca soal taun lalu. DUH gamau UP tapi.. nilai UTS udah gemilang banget padahal. Ya bismillah aja deh. Trus Ujian Praktikum Fisika Farmasi part 2. Wuihhh hancur juga sodara2!!! Kecepatan reaksi salah itung! Trus yg mikromiretika juga. AAAAAAARGHHH! Trus ke Fisika Farmasi teori, ya Alhamdulillah lancarrr. Trus Analisis Farmasi.. wuih ini mayan sih. Tapi materi GC, ga kuat banget, itu materinya gampang tapi soalnya ga kebayang banget dan KLT Densitometri yang gue gangerti ngitung kadarnya begimana. Yasudahlah. Semoga besok lancaaaar aamiin. Ooooh gue balik ke Jkt loh hari Selasa :D. Ya kenapa hari Selasa? Karena mau kebagian teraweh dulu, ga mau skip pokoknya. Ya walaupun harus sahur sendirian sih dikosan.. Makan apa juga gatau ~.~. Ooh dan nanti gue buka puasa waktu adzan bagian barat dong ya~ ya laper ini mah, sahur bagian timur, buka bagian barat, perjalanan jauh, trus naik damri. *ngeluh aja terus, Dhe* *padahal juga paling beda setengah jam*
RAMADHAN. Yeay! Seneng banget mau ketemu Ramadhan lagi, bulan kelahiran gue, dan kumpul sama keluarga di rumah :D. Ketemu sama temen, bukpus bareng, kyaa bahagia :D. O btw, gue kemaren-kemaren boci, bangun-bangun udah ngidam nastar aja, gara-gara mimpiin makan nastar. HAHA. Oh dan gue gatau nih jadi mudik apa engga, belom beli tiket juga padahal, wkwk berapa itu tiket PP Jkt-Sub menjelang lebaran, kedapetan kaga ye...Oiya... gue bingung nih sahur sama buka mau makan apa.. Kan gue udah memantapkan hati menjadi semi-vegan untuk kehidupan yg lebih baik, tapi.. kalo sahur cuma makan sayur gitu, bisa kenyang apa ya? Ya nanti konsultasi dulu lah sama mamong dan mbah google.
Oh ya mau cerita nih. Belakangan ini gue suka banget nonton sendiri. Alasannya karena emang ga ada temen yg mau nonton, ga punya pacar yg bisa diajak nonton kapan aja, dan bosen dikosan. Jadi lah gue nonton sendirian. Ya semacam bo-mat sih. Mana pas mamong tau, dia kayaknya kasian banget gitu sama gue, padahal kan biasa aja, ya gak? *menghibur diri*
Pengalaman pertama nonton sendiri tuh, waktu hari Kamis tgl 20 Juni kayaknya. Jadi itu dari kosan, langsung cus ke TP naik angkot, trus yaudah beli tiket Now You See Me, eh taunya yg jam 14.45 ga enak kursinya, jadi lah gue nonton yg jam set 5an. Nah kan bosen banget tuh dari jam 2an sampe jam set 5 ngapain, jadi lah gue keliling dari lantai atas sampe bawah, masukin toko satu-satu, nyobain baju, ke gramedia, liat buku resep tentang salad dan lain-lain. Nah sampailah jam set 5an, langsung cus ke XXI, trus beli tiket lagi akhirnya, WWZ 3D buat jam 6.15 wkwk. Yaudah nunggu, nonton NYSM dengan kaki super pegel. Dan keren banget lhoo filmnya, gue gabisa kayak orang-orang yg ngasih review, trus ngasih penilaian ini film bagus apa engga sih. As long as, gue menikmati filmnya dan alur ceritanya keren, gue bakal bilang "lo nonton ini aja, bagus loh, keren." udah gitu doang wkwk. Maapin. Nah.. NYSM kelar, keluar bentar, masuk lagi dan lanjut WWZ 3D!!!!! Ini yang tadinya kaki pegel gara-gara ngiterin mall, jadi pantatnya sekarang yg pegel gara-gara kebanyakan duduk. Wkwk kebayang ga sih WWZ yang filmnya dari 15 menit pertama sampe kelar tuh bikin degdegan, capek, alurnya cepet banget, dan gue nonton 3D dan sendiri. Tapi seru sih, bisa tereak, juga bodo amat. Kaga ada yg kenal ini haha. Oooh pas hari ini gue nemu gelang loh, lucu warna biru muda. Menambah koleksi deh :D. Nanti kalo niat, mau deh bikin post tentang koleksi gelang gue.. yang sebenernya paling cuma ada 5-10 biji aja. Haha.
Oke, sekarang lanjut ke pengalaman kedua. Yap, baru saja kejadian kemarin malam. Jadi, rencananya tuh hari Kamis abis anfar mau movie marathon, nonton Despicable Me 2 sama White House Down. Namun apa daya, gue tepar, tidur kayak zombi sampe sore... Dan udah nyari-nyari waktu yang pas, eh ga ada yang pas. Yaudahdeh, akhirnya nonton Despicable Me 2 sama Mirma, Dara, dan Erina, oh ditambah Zasa dan Sensei. HAHAHA lucu banget yg bagian Underweaaar~ ah trus Agnes juga!!! Pengisi suaranya siapa ya..
Nah yaudah deh, Jumat akhirnya karena bosen, Faiza udah ke Probolinggo dan kosan super sepi. Yaudah gue bosen tingkat dewa dan akhirnya ke TP juga nonton sendiri lagi part 2. Niat awal cuma mau transfer duit buat bayar tiket sih, eh gagal, yaudah akhirnya cus nonton yang jam 20.35 dan durasi film 150 menit. Jadi lah gue pulang jam 11an, haha seru banget semua toko udah tutup, eskalator udah mati, trus pintu keluar banyak yang ditutup. Hmm.. filmnya OKE BANGET! Channing Tatumnya aaah KECE BERAT! Ceritanya selalu ada lawaknya di bagian menegangkannya. Mana pas gue nonton sebelah gue bapak-bapak bertopi pelukis gitu. Mana dia nanya-nanya di sepanjang film. Tapi gapapa sih. Seru aja. Oh dan ada film baru Johnny Depp kyaa! Mau nonton deh hari Senen. Wkwk. Oiya gamau nonton Monster Univ ah, abis sepi di Twitter ga ada yang ngomongin, jadi ga penasaran hohoho.
Oiya, tadinya sih pengen lanjut cerita tentang rencana jangka 5 tahun gue.. tapi ini udah kepanjangan banget kayaknya. Ditambah tangan pegel banget. Yaudah sekian. xoxo
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