Belajar

Assalamualaikum.
Jadi, ceritanya ini post pertama di 2015 hehe, semoga kedepannya makin suka untuk ngepost dan jadi rame lagi ini blognya.

Oiya, ada yang menarik dengan tahun 2015 ini. InsyaAllah, bulan Oktober/November nanti, gue wisuda!!! Hore! Semoga semuanya lancar dan bisa banggain mamong papong. Aamiin.

Oh, kenapa judul post ini belajar? Ya... karena pengen berbagi cerita tentang pelajaran apa aja yang gue dapet di tahun 2014. Tentang pelajaran hidup kok, bukan pelajaran farmasi :'). Sebenernya bingung juga sih, kenapa gue bisa bilang ini pelajaran hidup, kan ga pernah ada kelas tentang pelajaran ini (ngerti kan maksudnya?), ya ini sih interpretasi gue aja, kalo kenapa ini bisa terjadi dan gue mencoba untuk mengambil pelajaran dan hikmah di belakangnya.

Banyak banget orang baru yang dateng di kehidupan gue di tahun 2014. Orang yang benar-benar baik, orang yang baik namun sebenarnya tidak, orang yang pura-pura baik, dan tipe orang lainnya lah. Sebenernya sempet ga sih kalian bertanya kepada Penulis Naskah Kehidupan Terbaik (Allah) kenapa lo bisa ketemu A, bisa ketemu B, dan ketemu C.

Satu hal yang pasti gue yakinin sampe sekarang. Allah itu ga pernah tidur dan Allah ada Sang Perencana Terbaik yang sangat berperan sama hidup lo. Jadi kayak apa ya, misalkan ada orang yang dateng ke kehidupan lo, ya anggap saja seorang pria dengan latar belakang yang baik dan pertemuan lo itu menyenangkan. Namun, ada waktunya dimana orang itu pergi dan semuanya hilang begitu saja. Ya, mungkin hal ini pernah dialami hampir semua wanita wkwk. Mungkin akan ada satu titik dimana kamu menyesal pernah bertemu orang itu dan kamu ingin sekali memutar waktu dan merubah segalanya. Ini juga yang sempet gue rasain kok. Tapi akhirnya gue sadar. Sekali lagi, Allah itu ga tidur, jadi pertemuan gue dengan A/B/C itu ya emang sudah direncanakan semuanya olehNya dan gue yakin dibelakang itu juga ada pelajaran ada alasan kenapa Allah mengirim kalian orang A/B/C itu.

Ada di suatu titik dimana, gue bener-bener ngerasa sendiri dan kosong. Saat itu, dua orang terdekat semuanya tiba-tiba pergi di waktu yang sangat singkat, hanya beda beberapa jam. Bisa bayangin dong, dimana tiap hari lo berkomunikasi dari lo bangun tidur sampe lo tidur lagi dan begitu seterusnya sampe berbulan-bulan.... dan semuanya lenyap. Saat itu, gue gatau harus apa, sedih pasti, cuma bisa nangis doang, kecewa, rasanya sakit banget, sampe-sampe buat napas aja susah dan di relung hati lo tuh rasanya kayak sakiiiiit banget. Gue beneran gatau saat itu harus berpegangan sama siapa. Itu mengapa gue bilang gue bener-bener ngerasa sendiri dan kosong. Ditambah, saat itu kondisi kosan yang super sepi, trus mau ngehubungin sahabat SMA ya sebut saja Fadhel wkwk tapi dia lagi sibuk sidang, dan gue sampe cerita ke Papong tentang apa yang gue rasain. Ya, melegakan memang, dikasih banyak wejangan dari beliau. Namun, gue masih merasa sepi. Gue pun mencoba menyibukkan diri dengan segala macam tugas-tugas dan proposal. Ya itu memang membantu, mengalihkan pikiran dari hal-hal yang sebenarnya memang ingin untuk dilupakan. Tapi sekali lagi, itu hanya sementara. Setelah ga sibuk lagi, ya ujung-ujungnya kepikiran lagi, nangis lagi, sedih lagi. Udah gitu aja. Cuma gue mikir, gue ga boleh terpuruk kayak gini lah, apalagi ada sahabat yang baik-baik banget, dari mulai Sekat Pekat, Uti, Pakdhe dll. Mereka yang berusaha selalu ada untuk gue, berusaha untuk  menghibur, mendengarkan keluh kesah, dan mengalihkan perhatian gue. Ngerasa beruntung banget punya temen-temen kayak mereka. Makasih ya rek :''').

Rasa kekosongan itu pun ngebuat gue sadar, bahwa yang ngasih gue cobaan ini kan Allah, maka ya gue harus kembali kepadaNya. Mendekatkan diri kepadanya. Rasanya seperti keajaiban memang. Gue memang ga pernah ngeliat rupa Allah seperti apa dan gimana, tapi disaat gue menceritakan dan mencurahkan isi hati gue, semuanya tuh rasanya hilang. Kesedihan itu hilang dan gue mulai merasa lega. Rasa lega itu tuh yang luar biasa. Rasanya seperti curhat dengan pendengar terbaik sejagat. Dan apa ya, jadi lebih ikhlas aja gitu sama apa yang udah terjadi dan berusaha bangkit. Emang seharusnya dari dulu udah ngerasa kayak gitu, tapi ya mungkin guenya yang kurang peka dan kurang mengenal Allah. Dulu juga kan masih jauh dari Allah :'( inget cuma kalo lagi sedih aja :''''(

Intinya sih, apa yang kamu dapatkan di muka bumi ini, kembalikan lagi semuanya kepadaNya. Jika Allah mengambil sesuatu yang kamu miliki, yakinlah Dia akan mengganti dengan yang jauh lebih baik. Bila memang harus berpisah dengan seseorang atau kehilangan sesuatu, ya memang masa kita dengan mereka memang sudah harus berakhir. Oh, iya jadi belajar juga jangan mencintai sesuatu/seseorang dengan cara yang berlebihan, karena Dia itu pencemburu (ini Syar yang bilang wkwk).

Oh ya, pelajaran luar biasa lainnya yang aku dapet itu pas dapet kesempatan untuk ibadah umroh. AAAAAH Subhanallah!!! Entah mau ngungkapinnya gimana, yang jelas ngerasa seneng banget bisa kesempatan mengunjungi rumah Allah. Semoga bisa kesana lagi secepatnya :'') seriusan udah kangen banget sama suasana disana.

Sepertinya cukup sekian tentang post ini hehe. Ya semoga Dhea bisa menjadi orang yang lebih baik lagi dan bisa lebih kuat dan tangguh serta sabar dan ikhlas menghadapi hidup ini aamiin.

Shocked.

Hello.
I know, such a long time for me didn't spend more time to write new posting about life lately. Yeah, it's because, no time for it (seriously, I'm not being lebay or something, but this 7th-semester-college-life is super crazy, too much tears to hold, too much whines to say, and a bullshit love story to tell :p). But, here I am.
It's 1.27 am in the morning, and I just finished reading 2 journals about cardiac diseases, just fyi I took cardiovascular disease for my graduation paper wkwk skripsi I mean. And next week, I should finish chapter 2 (which is... I just did about 2.5% progress, I know it's crazy, but don't worry I will finish it in time) and one more, I should present it to my lecturer. So, wish me luck people! I'll give my best and kick some butts MUHAHA.
So, well enough with silly opening I just wrote.
Here is why I want to write and stay awake in the middle of the night. Yesterday, I got the most shocking news ever in the end of the year, in December. I always love December because new year will come and new chapter of my life will begun and more adventure to explore. But, not for this year I guess. I lost many people, like seriously lots of people that I care the most.
I broke up with a guy few days after Ied Fitr because mom asked me to end it because of well A REASON. A wall between us that can't break.
And now, I lost someone, my one and only, BFFAAF.
And I lost others.
He is such a good friend. Well, not only good but he is great and one of the best. His life just got really fucked up, really messy, and he can't control it until he got depressed.......and needs to go to therapist. I feel so stupid I let him go to therapist. I feel so-much-guilty that I can't be there, help him to go through the hell of life and support him. Where the hell am I???
He didn't contact me for a week. I guess he was dead.
I texted him many times, even it costed me much money because he lives in Europe. I called him. I sent him an e-mail. But still no reply.... until yesterday.
He said, please stop contacting in any possible way, I moved and I am in therapy, therapist told me I need a 100% new start and break with everything/one from my past. Sorry.
At that time, I just woke up from my nap and I cried right away.
I don't know what should I do and I can't accept it if he will no longer exists in my future.
If one of you sees me right now, you will see my swollen eyes I got on my face.
Oh God... I hope next year I will no longer lose any more people. I want to be happy like everyone does. I'm sorry if I'm so busy with stuffs and that's why I can't talk to you longer like we did before. I'm sorry I ignored you (maybe, even I didn't mean to).
I'm broken into pieces now but I don't want you to know it because I want you to be okay to be someone that I knew for 19 months. This 19th of December will be our 19th months being BFFAAFs.  But I don't know if we can talk at our special day. I will be home too on 19th.
I hope one day, I will see you on the bridge like our promise. See you.

Your Pandhea xoxo

Stop Being a Drama Queen. Lesson Learned.

Hi.

Today, I got a nice learning. Learning about life.
Learning how to be a girl who enjoys her life. To enjoy what she got. To feel enough with everything around her. To feel fulfill with life. To be a nice and kind girl. To stop being afraid of something. To stop worrying. To stop  thinking too much. To stop whining. Stop being a wuss. And to stop being a drama queen.

Someone told me today, about me who is always being a drama queen. He was a nice friend of mine. We knew each other for more than a year. Yeah not a short time to know each other. And also today, I lost him. I lost him (again). And I'm not sure, if we can back being as friends again. Oh not friends. BFAAFs to be exact. I don't know. I'm not sure.

He is gone. He was angry and upset. He even said bad words to me. Words that hurt my soul. Because no one ever said those words to me before. He also threw everything on me. All off my faults. Without warnings. I just sit myself looking at my phone and started crying. Yeah, I always cry. It's what i can do. I don't know what to do at that time. It's my weakness.

I just can't believe it he would say those words. I was wrong I know, but he also crossed the line. Pfft, complicated. Okay.. I don't know what to say anymore. He was a patient guy I knew. He was always kind.... but now, he is gone.
.....
.....
.....
Ah okay. I think I should learn how to let go too.
There is no good bye without a hello at first. We had our hello long time ago. And now, here is our good bye.
Until we say our next hello in the future then, if we got a chance.

It's always nice to know you. 

YOU

“Hello to you”, that’s what you always said to me to start our conversation.

You with your magical smile which can makes everything seems easier to me.

You with your endless support for me. I’m thankful for that.

You with your bunch of works to do  but you still have time to always be there for me. I can see sometimes when you are tired, but yeah, you are here.

You with all of surprises that makes me happy. Oh not only happy, but I feel lucky, I have you.

You are mean a lot to me. I hope you know that.

The way you care to me, it’s one of the most precious thing in this world.

I love you.

P.S: I’m sorry my english sucks and I’m not good with expressing my feelings with writing. But, I hope you are happy to read this one. It’s special for you. Yes, you. 

verjaardags knuffel

Hello readers! I got something that I really want to share to all of you :D. It’s about one of the happiest moments in my life so far HEHE.

My first time celebrate my Ramadhan birthday (well, not celebrate like party or anything). As you know, I got Ramadhany as my middle name. It’s because I was born on 13th Ramadhan 1413 H based on lunar calendar. Honestly, it’s my first time to know which date I was born haha~ I never tried to find out which date it was before.. until one day I got curios and and googled it :D.

It started when I met a Belgian guy, let’s call him HVD, about 3 months ago (May 19th 2013, to be exact muhaha). At first we’re just strangers.. but after a lot of things we’ve shared, now we’re being BFFAAF (Best Friend For Always And Forever), it was his idea. It’s sweet, isn’t it? And one day we talked a lot about Ramadhan, moslem calendar, etc. That's why I found out my Ramadhan 13th. 

Hmm, he is surely a nice person, so open minded, and a good listener. He can be so funny and annoying in the same time haha, so it’s hard to get angry at him because at the same time, he makes you laugh aswell hahaha. Oh and for all girls out there, you should envy with his eyelashes!!! He got the most beautiful natural eyelashes in the whole world with his blue eyes (lebay) haha!!!! We both called it “fabulashes” xD. And.. he is full of surprises.

fabulashes xD

So... what’s the correlation between my 21st birthday and him?

Here it is. I am the luckiest person on earth.. why? Because I have a BFFAFF like him who sent me the cutest birthday card ever :D. Eventhough, it’s one week late arrived,  but it’s still so precious for me. Here’s the picture:

I hide my address xD

MUHAHAHA!!!!! this is the funniest!!! 1413 H? xD

I got a birthday hug from this heroic cat! :D

capslock hand writing. HVD's style

Am I happy? Not, I'm not. (I feel so damn happy :D)
Grateful? Indeed. I thanked God for letting us know each other ^^
Nothing I can say beside thank you, HVD. See you at bridge soon xD